Black Sheep
To start off a while back my mom broke her elbow and had to have surgery on it. For some reason her elbow didn't heal right so they had to do another surgery, in which I didn't go to. I had SWAT meetings and then had to help with P.T. test make-ups for those that were unable to attend testing on test day. Not saying that I didn't have time to go by the hospital, I just didn't go. I knew that my sister was going to be there and what was the use of sitting at the hospital just waiting.
I know I probably sound cold, but you do not know the history of my family. When I was young my parents both drove an 18-wheeler together. At first my mom would only go with my dad during the summer while school was out and my younger sister and I would go to our grandparents, my older brother would sometimes go also. But once I got a little older my mom got to where she would go with my dad all the time and at times I would stay at home by myself and my sister would go to my aunts. I've stayed at different places, with family and friends, at times when my parents were gone. One year my parents were gone on Christmas which was kinda hard for me and I bet it was harder on my sister since she was younger then me.
I'm not trying to say that my parents were bad parents, they did what they did to make a living for our family. Now when I told my parents that I was getting married, I was told by my mom that I would not be getting any help of any kind from her and my dad and that once I moved out I was not moving back home, in which I didn't have any plans to move back in or ask them for any help. But what struck me wrong with that phrase was that my older brother had already moved out and went into Navy and came back home after being discharged and moved back in with my parents and later moved into a home they bought for him to live in.
After getting married and moving into my house that my Wife, her Family and I built, my Brother did come out and help on the first day of framing, my parents never seemed to have time to come and see my home, they were always too busy, so I told them that the day would come when they would want to see me and that I wouldn't be there and now that those times are coming everyone is looking at me like I'm the bastard child.
Back to my original story. Late in the afternoon of my mom's surgery I got a phone call from my sister which went as follows: Phone rings and I answer and say "Hello", then my sister states "just in case you might have been worried, mom made it through her surgery ok, I won't bother you any longer, bye" and then hung up.
Now maybe I'm in the wrong for not going to see my mom, but one of my major faults is that I hold a grudge and I told her the day would come that I wouldn't be there and the day of her surgery was one of those days.
To my sister, if you read this I'm not mad at you and I know that you were just mad because I didn't take time out to come by, but if it was you I would have made the time because I know you would have made the time for me............
I know I probably sound cold, but you do not know the history of my family. When I was young my parents both drove an 18-wheeler together. At first my mom would only go with my dad during the summer while school was out and my younger sister and I would go to our grandparents, my older brother would sometimes go also. But once I got a little older my mom got to where she would go with my dad all the time and at times I would stay at home by myself and my sister would go to my aunts. I've stayed at different places, with family and friends, at times when my parents were gone. One year my parents were gone on Christmas which was kinda hard for me and I bet it was harder on my sister since she was younger then me.
I'm not trying to say that my parents were bad parents, they did what they did to make a living for our family. Now when I told my parents that I was getting married, I was told by my mom that I would not be getting any help of any kind from her and my dad and that once I moved out I was not moving back home, in which I didn't have any plans to move back in or ask them for any help. But what struck me wrong with that phrase was that my older brother had already moved out and went into Navy and came back home after being discharged and moved back in with my parents and later moved into a home they bought for him to live in.
After getting married and moving into my house that my Wife, her Family and I built, my Brother did come out and help on the first day of framing, my parents never seemed to have time to come and see my home, they were always too busy, so I told them that the day would come when they would want to see me and that I wouldn't be there and now that those times are coming everyone is looking at me like I'm the bastard child.
Back to my original story. Late in the afternoon of my mom's surgery I got a phone call from my sister which went as follows: Phone rings and I answer and say "Hello", then my sister states "just in case you might have been worried, mom made it through her surgery ok, I won't bother you any longer, bye" and then hung up.
Now maybe I'm in the wrong for not going to see my mom, but one of my major faults is that I hold a grudge and I told her the day would come that I wouldn't be there and the day of her surgery was one of those days.
To my sister, if you read this I'm not mad at you and I know that you were just mad because I didn't take time out to come by, but if it was you I would have made the time because I know you would have made the time for me............
posted by Tanis at 3:35 PM
3 Comments:
I understand how you feel. Often times I promise myself that I'd ignore my mom in times of her need after so many times she disciplined me, let me down, been overly prejudiced against me and all that stuff. I've held so many grudges against her that at times when she realized of its existence, she'd end up crying more because she couldn't believe how much hatred i kept inside me.
its hard to understand and believe sometimes that parents are human too and they also commit mistakes, have biases and the like. and even though that information was already drummed in my ears so many times, I never seem to learn it that well. they say i'd get it when i become a parent too..
im glad your mom is ok :)
take care...
My mom and I have a tough relationship too. These days she is so old, and so much weaker, she's obviously in need of my help, so I do help her.
At first I resneted it, but in time it has come to help me with my grudges! We still fight sometimes, but she's also actually NICE to me because now she needs me more than I need her.
I lost my Dad about six years ago, and I don't want to make the same mistakes with my Mom.
I have things like that in my relationship with my dad. I am engaged, and last week I told him and my mom that I was getting married soon, just to get their reaction, really, and to test the waters for when the time actually comes about.
My dad was upset that my Fiancee hadn't come and asked for my hand -- but he doesn't understand that there has to be respect between all parties first (whether it's regarding an engagement, or if it's somethint trivial like a family dinner or birthday party).
I believe that these things, in your case and in mine, are things that parental units won't ever come to understand, because they have to open up to their end of the matter. They never seem to consider what they may have done to cause a disagreement or matter -- they always seem to point the finger at the black sheep.
I understand, and I'm sorry your family is ganging up on you. These things never stop stinging, do they?
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