Lost...

As I have said before, I'm am going to be a grandpa any day now. And with that in mind, this should be some of the happiest times of my life, but at times I find myself locked in an inner struggle with myself trying to enjoy the day. It's not that I'm not excited about my grandson, I can't wait for him to get here and that is what makes the dark times seem more frustrating. I know I have it good in life but yet I find myself constantly looking for the negative in everything. At times it feels as if all the dark feeling I have are a vast ocean and I've lost my boat and instead of gliding over the bad feelings, I'm having to swim through them constantly working at treading away just to keep myself afloat and to be able to bask in the sunshine of goodness in my life. At times something will come along and cause a wave of darkness to crash over me and for a while I will not fight it and just slip down into the dark recesses. I know that this probably sound like I'm crazy, I'm just running on little sleep and will start rambling. But all and all I know now that I am beginning to see land in my future and will have to swim no longer and will be able to lift myself up out of my ocean of darkness and walk in the bright sunshine of my life and all will be good. I have always believed that you will not know light without some darkness. Guess I'm just going through a time to remind me how good I have it in my life..........